No Regrets
by Madam RinRin
Summary: To be driven insane by the thought one being can change what you are... and to have no regrets over the mistakes you've made. AkuRoku, First person, Axel. Quick, bittersweet Drabble


**Okay, this is definitely a drabble, and one I let just come off the top of my head. I love AkuRoku, and hadn't written about them in a long, long time. So I had to write _something_, or I was gonna go insane. So It might seem out of order, but I just wrote it off the top of my head. Please review though, cause I wanna know how you all like it, and how I can improve! Please tell me if you like it :) I almost don't like how this is so short, but I'm sure none of you mind. Please though, Review! **

**This was written in first person, limited, in Axel's POV. **

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><p>No Regrets<p>

I shouldn't have made myself believe I could fall in love. It was a mistake, fooling myself into thinking we could be more than we were. Why, Why did I do that to myself? How could I think we could love one another, that he was the one that could change my fate? Our fate, it's all the same.

He left. But I couldn't stand it. I couldn't accept it. It made me hollow, empty, emptier than I had ever been before. I paid the price for my indiscretion. It was my fault I tried to be more than I was.

But I just couldn't stand the thought of losing him... I didn't want him to get hurt. But what was there to lose, when he was never mine to begin with! It drives me insane, and every moment I was without him was another second my sanity was slipping away from me, along with everything else I knew to be true.

When you get that one inkling of doubt that everything you know is actually a lie, it changes everything. That was Roxas for me. The moment I met him, I was pulled to him by some unknown force. I befriended him, because I wanted to figure out what that was, and I tricked myself into thinking it could have actually been love. How stupid was that...

He left, and he didn't listen to me. I missed him so much. More than he would ever know. And when I found him again, he had changed. He had friends, _a life_, even if it was an artificial one in an artificial world. I wanted to save him, but he didn't listen, he didn't even remember me... his best friend...

Ha... _friend..._

Was I ever important?

I had wondered.

But I wanted to see him again, the Roxas I knew, the Roxas I had wanted to love so _bad_, it hurt. So when I saw that brunette, walking around with that smart ass duck and dimwitted dog, those silly thoughts occurred in my mind ones more. I wanted him back. No matter what the cost.

So I gave my existence to help that boy. To be able to see _him_ once more.

Was it worth it?

I had wondered.

Roxas, he changed me. He made me become something I didn't want to be. Fake. But was it really fake? When I was around him, I didn't feel nearly as cold, or lonely, or empty, or hollow, or heartless. That felt so _real_, and it was like Roxas did that for me. But what hurts is I couldn't make him feel the same as I did.

I was desperately searching the brunette's eyes, any sign of him, but I knew I had made a mistake. I would never see Roxas.

I closed my eyes, and I imagined his face, golden hair like the sun, cerulean eyes like the skies, and skin so lavender. I wanted to see that heavenly face so bad, the devil drove me mad. I spoke, and I admitted to that young, clueless boy my ridiculous thoughts, everything. The way Roxas made me believe I had a heart, and the way I thought I could do the same for him. I was wrong.

I forced myself to open my eyes, and I laid there, letting death over take me. And as my eyesight grew weary, and my ears began to malfunction, I could have sworn I saw what I was searching for.

Roxas.

He had knelt beside me, and I looked up at him. I could feel a ghostly hand rest upon my own, and I stared into blue orbs that slowly began to overflow with tears. He looked upon me, and instead of Sora, I saw Roxas. He was distraught, hysterical, _beautiful_. He was trying to speak, but I didn't know what. And as I disappeared, the last thing I could see was his mouth, desperately trying to scream, and his lips let it be spoken, but unheard. He looked so broken, how I felt inside.

What was it he tried to say?

I had wondered.

_I love you._

When you start to believe something, it becomes your truth. Nothing can sway a person's belief when that is all they had to hold onto. I had believed in love, in Roxas, like the idiot I was. I never had him, and I never knew his touch, nor his light. I should not have made myself believe I could be more than a nobody.

But do I regret my decisions, or the feelings I forced myself to believe in?

I can honestly say, I never gave it a thought.

You can't question about something you've already decided is true.


End file.
